Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Christmas tree confessions...

You know how when someone compliments you, you're supposed to say a polite "thank you" and not reveal to them your hair is Clairol #99, your teeth are painted white, and the outfit came from the $0.75 Goodwill bins???
....well, to save ourselves from embarrassment later, I feel I must confess today...
Our Christmas tree is a big fat faker.

(*note: from here on out the faker's name will hereby be called "she")
She lives up to every definition of "artificial tree". Granted, there is nothing to be ashamed of when, instead of hand-cutting your evergreen, you pull it from a box...BUT...this goes WAY beyond that!
A little background story...
This tree found its way to the shop via mom and dad's "soon-to-be-vacated" attic. We grabbed her out of their recent yard sale, figuring we could use her in here just as much as a yard-saler could use her in their home. For many Christmas seasons mom and dad have pulled her out of their attic (sometimes she even came out fully dressed!) At first we thought they were CRAZY not to cut down and drag the real thing in from the forest...and we missed the fresh pine smell...but we got used to it and never paid her much attention. She served her purpose- decking the halls and hiding gifts from nosy snoopers.
Ok, so fast forward to this afternoon when I first realized how artificial the little faker really is! After dragging her out of the attic (again) and squeezing her into my LITTLE Honda Fit, she made the journey to Lulu & Tutz and revealed the fact that she does NOT have all her original parts. After a little tugging and groaning we finally got her standing on her three feet (THOSE are original) While we were standing her up, mom informed us she may not fully light because each year she loses some of her original bulbs and so mom has added more - and more strands. And, each year, THOSE lights fail to light, so she adds MORE bulbs! NOW we are getting to the real reason for this pathetic post....this poor tree that has seen us through many a family Christmas is not at all what I thought she was! While we always assumed she was the neat and tidy thing she portrayed herself to be, underneath all her branches there is DUCT TAPE, Miscellaneous screws holding her arms on, and about 1,000,000 strands of lights!!! (Not to mention the fact that 3/4 of those lights are burned out!) I remembered having a few boxes of Christmas lights in the back room from last year, so I took it upon myself to carry on the family tradition and add FOUR MORE STRANDS to the tree! (Oh, and not just ANY strands, mind you, these were four strands of 20 lightbulbs!!! Each one wrapped around the tree once!) There are more outlet ends on this tree than branches! She actually feels warm when you walk past her, which I guess would be a bonus.

The point of this story is that we want you to know upfront that when you walk in the front door to gaze at the lovely display of Christmas ornaments on said tree....know that while she stands tall and thin, she is really just being held together by a bunch of miscellaneous parts and lit by more strands of lights than your eyes can see. She is really just faking it when she smiles and says "thank you"...deep down her arms are hurting and her feet are buckling under the weight.
There's a moral here I's either that we, like the tree, should stand up tall and smile EVEN under great distress...OR, that we should all stop lying and pretending we are something we're not and just let it all hang out! You choose.


Lulu and Tutz said...

Terri...If I had known my poor little tree would get such abuse, I would have sold it to someone unsuspecting at my garage sale!!! You can only imagine how many other relics lurk in the attic, garage and behind the closet doors, ready to make a trip to the shop so they, too, can suffer abuse! Okay, the friendly neighborhood garbage collector! Maybe HE will appreciate beauty in old age when he sees it...poor guy is REALLY getting tired of lifting boxes of castoffs into the truck every week! Think I will give him a gift certificate to Lulu & Tutz. While he is there, he can collect some of those old light strands!

Jeane` Miller said...

I loved this entry! I whole heartedly agree with the closing sentiments! And I might whip out some Christmas music this afternoon. There is something so comforting about the sights and sounds of Christmas, isn't there??

Thanks for the inspiration and smile!

Deb said...

As we enter, we shall all pause with due respect and thank "her" for giving her all to those many family Christmases and beyond. Although she is oh-so-tired and has more than a few aging parts, she manages to maintain her dignity while holding it all together.Hmmm. . . . Sounds as though your tree is truly a "she" in every sense of the word.